Longhope Diary

Longhope Diary - September 2020

14/9/2020

Poor James left the farmhouse on Thursday as usual and when he came back on Monday morning there was no kitchen, just a dirt floor and most alarmingly no obvious foundations. I have since learnt a lot about old houses and the history of foundations...riveting stuff, don’t sit next to me at a dinner party!

Rufus and I gutted the room, pulled up the floor armed with a crowbar and sledge hammer, then chain sawed it up and put it into tote bags ready to go through the rayburn and yes I did stand back and think “Oops what have I done?” (or words to that effect, substitute ‘oops’).

I then decided that what was the kitchen will be an office, what was the sitting room will be a kitchen and what is the office will be a sitting room/snug/James’ room. It will work. I know it will, it just left everybody else confused, James traumatised and Mark the plumber is about to take out a restraining order and considering blocking me on his phone. I even managed to leave a message to future generations if the house is still standing. Why is it whenever I declare “I’ve got a good idea” everyone groans?

Other than that all the usual stuff at this time of year, haymaking, hauling straw and cursing the weather. Talk about one extreme to the other.

At last the holiday cottage is occupied again by guests. The cleaning is thorough and brutal which takes ages. We keep two Ikea bags (other bags are available) to split the cushions and magazines so that everything has more than 72 hours untouched. We have special industrial washing powder.

Our very last job when spick and span is to back out of the property wiping every high use surface with wipes. Honestly, I cannot do more than that and as we are all in low contact (or in my case bugger all close contact) with the general public it's as safe as reasonably possible.

Can some expert please explain why it is that every emergency involving livestock happens on a weekend? True to form we had an animal blow up, we had to call the vet and get it up and walking about. Luckily it was caught early and was ok.

I was informed by an ‘old hand’ that peppermint is the thing to use which makes sense as it is used to expel gas after operations….best not to light up a fag in the immediate vicinity. I will buy an industrial size vat and if all else fails everyone will have homemade peppermint creams for Christmas (for the next 10 years). Incidentally the ‘old hand’ I found out was two years younger than me which is somewhat depressing.

All of our broken stiles are now mended and easier to climb over/get a dog through. I even managed to get the brambles and undergrowth cut back. Every time I take the dogs for a walk I take the sheers. It's going to be a bumper crop of blackberries this year. We pressed our own apple juice which was delicious but disappeared far too quickly. In fact Preecemore farm witnessed one of the worst cases of ‘defensive eating’ ever. ‘Somebody’ got up at 6.00 am and scoffed the remains of a yummy lasagne thus preventing the rest of the family getting a look in. Does this happen in other households?

Don’t know if anybody else saw the YouTube video of the farmer who discovered the address of someone fly tipping (about 300 tyres) on his land. He loaded them up and returned them to their front garden…..absolutely brilliant!

Hay and straw are in short supply this year. Let's hope this is not the shape of things to come.

Longhope Diary - June 2020

6/7/2020

We have been full steam ahead with the hay and so far it is (if I do say so myself) fantastic! We even have a really good second cut growing like crazy which has scuppered Rufus’s driving lessons in that field. I love the contrast of pictures of haymaking now and in the 1940’s. One is James and the other his grandad.

I taught Rufus and James how to use the chainsaw this month, not without some trepidation on my part with terrifying, bloodcurdling tales of the dangers. Nothing like a bit of fear to focus the mind. Why is it when a bloke learns something new within half an hour he considers himself to be an expert?

James is doing really well and apart from asking ‘how often does Farmer’s Weekly come out?’ he is now making some very difficult decisions. We seem to have gravitated to our own areas now which makes life easier. A year ago he if you’d mentioned a ‘grease nipple’ he’d have assumed it was some form of adult entertainment...which it is. They are in fact the points of machinery that you inject grease into on a regular basis. That's adult entertainment farmer style.

As always when dealing with cattle we have had our dramas. One beast (only one with horns) managed to get its head well and truly stuck in a hollow tree. This was in the evening on a Saturday night just as I had poured a glass of wine and put on Netflix (well it would, wouldn’t it?) I could not cut down a 300 year old oak tree or use a chainsaw perilously near its head.

When we tried to lift up it resisted and pushed down, so I tried pushing down and it lifted up but not enough. In the end we noticed it kept lifting alternative feet so as it was on an old logging track and there were plenty of flat stones around, we shoved one under each time the foot lifted until after only 5 minutes there was enough height for the head to ping out. This method used minimal stress, for the beast anyway. We then filled the tree with old branches to stop it happening again.

I have installed the wood burning stove in the static caravan. It looks good but I was rather dismayed about the industrial size flue pipe. Trouble is it has to be double lined to ensure safety so at great expense the experts were called. The steampunk industrial look is very on trend I am told. My beautiful tiles are obscured.

Steve managed to upcycle a lovely little shed that has been discarded. It had a ‘rotten bottom’ (this newsletter gets saucier by the minute) so he sawed it off and replaced the floor. It may be a bit shorter but that's not a problem. Well not for me...the boys are all over 6’ but they don’t have to use it. While the holiday cottage has been vacant we have used our time well.

Next month my wobbly/holey kitchen floor is being replaced. I am quite excited but will have to make do with an unfitted kitchen for a while (probably the next 10 years) until we can put a lovely new one in. At the moment if you put a bottle of wine on the side it slides towards the window as if a poltergeist is at work. The farm house is so old there are no proper foundations, under the floorboards it's mud! God knows what we will find down there.

So the holiday cottage has opened again from July 4th. It is detached, in a rural location and has great reviews and yet we have still had cancellations. I don’t know if the general public are still a bit twitchy about venturing out but it really has been an incredibly tough year with literally no income through the most popular months. It's so disappointing as I had someone who wanted to rent it for a month while their house was repaired but didn’t because of bookings which then were cancelled. Soon we will be underway again, I cannot wait!

At last with the reopening of fast food outlets the beef price has gone back to where it should be. I do hope that many of you out there will have signed the food standards petition to ensure that meat is not imported which we would not be allowed to sell here.

You really are best off buying locally and buying British. Maybe this will be a positive aspect of Covid 19. Longhope is so grateful and proud of our little village shop and the tireless work that has been done to keep us all supplied with essentials.

This is my very last chance to save the old stone barn. Attempt number one was just before the 2008 crash so all work stopped.
Attempt number two was just before Mike became so ill and it was just impossible to proceed.

Attempt number three is now. Let's hope the financial boys see it the same way I do. We will then use the barn and field for weddings. It would be a great ‘bounce back’ project. I have a really competent, young, enthusiastic builder who even sent me a kiss on the bottom of his text by mistake and was subsequently mortified at his error. As I pointed out it could have been a lot worse and it made me smile.

Longhope Diary - May 2020

23/5/2020

Well, this is a first. I am writing during daylight hours, it feels like a guilty pleasure. Normally the farm, holiday cottage and horses take up every minute of the day and writing is carried out under cover of darkness if at all.

Obviously with Covid 19 about there are some changes afoot but we do consider ourselves lucky to be farming. We continue to work as normal (wouldn’t mind some time off!) we come in at the end of the day, sit down to watch the news and think ‘is this really going on in the world’. Apart from the odd trip to the local shop we are unaware. Except the time we tried to load cattle with the driver staying 6’ away from us. That was a right pantomime.

The reason I am indulging during the daytime is because the cattle are out, the horses are out, the holiday cottage is empty (so is my bank account) and the hay is not ready to cut for another month. So we are having a massive clear up, some of which is traumatic but necessary. The problem with farmers is the amount of space to store what we will politely call ‘stuff’. Some of it really does come in handy but a lot is of no real significance. Especially my surf boards from my days of living in Devon, they look oddly out of place in a Gloucestershire barn and I am way too fat for my wetsuit. If I dared to go surfing now they would call the wildlife rescue to take me back to deeper waters.

One thing I feel sad letting go is our 1948 Fordson Standard tractor with spade lugs (spikes that ensure you are never the same again once driven). It belonged to Great Grandad Otto. It starts and runs but looks rather sad and neglected. James and I are being realists, we are never going to use it or tart it up so it may as well go to someone who will love it, better than a slow deterioration. However I feel as if a bit of Preecemore history is going with it. Farming families live in one place for generations and we become oddly attached to inanimate objects. I guess most people have a favourite screwdriver/wrench and, most sad of all, a bucket. I’ve had that bucket longer than my children and it’s never let me down. There the comparison ends.

So I have tidied and organised the workshop….a place for everything and everything in its place. I’ve blitzed the office and thrown away old invoices going back to the 1970’s (prices have hardly changed) and I have been renovating a static caravan to convert into a bunk house for walkers. The outside looks….like a static. The inside looks like a lovely cottage with fantastic views. We took out all of the fitted seating. Why do static caravans sleep 4 - 6 but have seating for about 20, seems like a big waste of space. We’ve put in a wood burner with a groovy fireplace and redone all the electrics, gas and water. Virtually every job cost more than the actual caravan. Builders had been living in the static while renovating a house for the previous owner so it was ‘minging’, won’t describe in too much detail for those with delicate constitutions. Safe to say I was dressed as if Covid 19 was active several months before it was. Squeaky clean now though.

James continues with office hours, 9.00 to 5.00 Monday to Thursday. In many ways it has made it a bit easier for me to take my foot off the accelerator without feeling guilty. As long as when we are haymaking he doesn't clock off until the job is done I don’t mind. At last I have concluded that a day off once in a while is no bad thing.

I’ve left most of the verges around the farm/livery this year to grow wild (will strim when finished flowering) to give the insects a bit of a helping hand. I love the great swathes of cow parsley as it sways in the wind. Why ever was I so vigorous with the strimmer before?

We’ve had quite a tough time over the last few months. A loadall was written off by the insurance company after it went upside down in a gert hole. We have a new (to us!) old truck, I wasn’t so sure about it at first but I have to be honest it is a great workhorse. It's so good to chuck everything in the back and “hey ho, its off to work we go”. The truck also was ‘minging’, there is a bit of a theme going on here. I have never been afraid of cleaning, in fact I am embarrassed to admit I quite like it. Donald as the truck is named is now less of a health hazard.

I lost my Dad in February and now with this dreaded virus I cannot go to visit my mother. I am thinking of how this is impacting on so many people. It’s difficult but we are now putting together a new cleaning and disinfection programme for the holiday cottage and HOPE we can open again in July, but who knows? I couldn’t find any antibacterial wipes but had packets of teat wipes which are just and good and very strong. Chris sniffed one and nearly passed out.

Lastly we are vastly improving some of the stiles around the farm. As I get older I appreciate that not everyone can hop over so easily. Meanwhile we have diverted along the edge (headland) of the hay field.

Longhope Diary - September 2019

1/10/2019

What a sad and difficult time it has been to lose Mike in July. He knew every inch of this farm and could even look at a hay bale and tell which field it had come from. I didn’t realise how much we relied on each other. Every day I need to ask him something or share a funny moment on the farm.

Even when Mike was too ill to venture out I would pop back in every half an hour or so, often with a list of questions. Actually Mike did go out once in the landy to look at the hay, he got out of the car and told us it was ready to mow. Then declared, “I bet I’m the only person to stand in this field in pyjamas and dressing gown”. I bet he was!

With farming everything has to continue whether we like it or not. When I had the phone call to say Mike had died James and I were in the hay field, we stopped and sat in the cool of the trailer…talked for a while, then one of us (cannot remember who) said we’d better get on with the hay. I could hear Mike saying “back to work then”.

Life simply has to go on, we have no choice so have been doing well getting the hay and straw in. In fact I had a ‘knight in shining armour’…actually a shining combine harvester saved the day, not only harvesting but marketing the barley. My dear neighbour Charlie has been on the end of the phone and occasionally visited to look at the crops and mull over a whole host of questions. Considering he has been so busy himself this was a great kindness. I realised how small our kit was compared with the ‘big boys’ when the combine only just squeezed through the gate. There was a collective release of breath.

James, Mike’s son who was a recruitment consultant is my new business partner. It’s lovely to have him on board, his learning curve has been rather steep but each week we progress forward. James works four days a week which is a huge help. It is amazing what can be achieved in that time.

Coming from recruitment to farming has resulted in some (one off) rookie mistakes. Poor James started to load a trailer at very back which caused it to lift from the tractor and gently roll down the slope. Of course in the time honoured way any mistake always has to have an audience, on this occasion Mark Sealey our hard working contractor and his drivers who were rowing up, wrapping and baling while laughing and giving a ‘thumbs up’…..it was only a slight slope and miraculously the trailer drifted straight through a gateway and was stopped by the hedge with no damage to anything. Somebody was looking out for us that day. There aren’t many of us in farming who haven’t had kit ‘run away’; I just want to know why we all run after it knowing full well there is literally nothing we can do?

We had a wedding on the farm on September 15th, it was fantastic. Mostly the bride and groom organised everything (marquee, toilets, generators, band etc.) we got the place tidy and mowed the field, putting out hay bales to sit on for the ceremony under a 300 year old oak tree. Poppy made a little platform in there years ago, it would make an awesome photo but I am not sure if it’s quite safe for the couple to climb a ladder in their finery? Chris made a giant cool box from an old freezer, it’s been painted and decorated and has a load of ice blocks in the bottom. We’ve just tested it and so far it has been really cold for two days. Chris has named it ‘the booze box’. If it all goes well I want to do more of this in the future. Contact me if you would like a farm wedding in a beautiful and very private setting. Pictures to follow…

Still the barn is not converted, it simply would cost too much at a difficult time. I do however want to get a roof on and then keep it as an open space for the weddings. We could have the marquee just next to it and use it for an alternative venue for the ceremony in case of rain.

My Grandma used to say “if the Lord don’t come he do send” and this has been the case with our lovely workaways Jack and Kerry. They contacted me and said they didn’t need me to feed them or take them out as we usually do, they just wanted peace and quiet, a caravan to live in and they would help out on the farm. My goodness it’s been great! Jack has been pointing up the walls of the stone barn (he helped in Boscastle after the flood with the renovations years ago). They have lots of ideas and have tamed the garden. We usually have younger workaways but at a time like this being just a bit older suits us well.

Forage supply is starting to pick up winter approaches. There is a good supply, but no small bales this year. Big are much better value for money anyway.

We are all so very proud of our Saturday boy, Jacob. A fantastic set of A level results and a place at Liverpool to study Veterinary Science. His quiet calmness in just about every situation will stand him in good stead.

A massive ‘thank you’ to everyone who has supported us during this difficult time. There are no words to say how we feel.

Longhope Diary October 2016

23/10/2016

Here we are in October, pumpkins at the ready, harvest in and crops planted ready for 2017, harvest festival behind us. I love the rhythms of the farming year; there are never ever two days the same in my job. Even if the tasks are broadly similar, the weather rarely is. At least now harvest is finished Mike will stop his verbal abuse of weather forecasters and respite from OCD checking several weather sites throughout the day using every available bit of technology, only to have him declare “Might as ***** well have relied on a ****** pine cone or bit of **** seaweed” (any additional words have been omitted to spare those of a delicate nature).

This summer has been memorable, not least for our wonderful team of helpers. Will, Pepe, Jorge and Andy (plus Carles soon) all are amazing. Each of them has brought something interesting and a new perspective on life, which, when you are tied to the land as we are, brings the world to us. When each one of them left, I cried, the children rolled their eyes and said “Oh mum, not again!” It was like having another son each time…. who was polite. (Please take note biological offspring).

We have a lovely new horse called Charlie who has arrived at the yard. It took him just one day to associate me with ‘food’. Every horse that I help out with associates me with food so, as soon as they see me they see me I get ‘the stare’ and am made to feel guilty if I have nothing for them. Food provider is my main role with livestock, horses, family, friends and if you count the cream tea, holiday guests. I feel as if my whole life is spent shovelling food at animals or people.

Thanks to Stuart and Johnny our little old vintage tractor made it once more to the Speech House Vintage Show. I took Jorge our Spanish workaway to show him a typical English tradition (well….in its fourth year in this case). We also went to the Dean Heritage Centre which was excellent, well worth a visit; I loved the wooden carved Gruffalo.

We went to the wonderful wedding of Hannah and Rob. Hannah was at the yard several years ago, it’s so nice to keep in contact with our old livery clients. We were honoured to be invited and had a great time.

The pink bales are ‘flying off the shelves’. We pay extra for the wrap, a cost which we absorb; donations go to breast cancer research. It’s like having a yard full of candy floss. Last year approx. £18,000 was raised by British farmers with pink wrap, this year it is expected to be a lot more.

Andy from Alabama, USA has taken some great photographs. Many of these are his, so thank you Andy. We also have a lot of our winter wood sawed up, at last I feel that I have made some progress.

The progress on the laminate floor at the holiday cottage is another story. When I purchased some beautiful Chestnut boards I was assured if I didn’t have enough they would be easy to get from B&Q (and other retailers)….alas only if ordered ahead! I was a tiny bit short (my disastrous measuring again). If there is such a thing as ‘incurable measuring dyslexia’ I have it. It WILL look great when it is finished. Meanwhile the guests have seen the funny side of the carpet being back on top.

We are virtually solidly booked in the cottage and hardly have a day spare to do repairs/maintenance. I am not complaining and need those bookings. The Forest of Dean it seems is becoming a real destination. When we go out for the day with our workaways I see the Forest as a tourist. We are so lucky to live in such a beautiful place. As I write this I can hear Andy, who has such a wonderful and committed faith, saying “amen to that”.

May Hill on a beautiful Autumn evening.

Views of Preecemore Farm, taken by Andy.

Longhope Diary August 2016

20/8/2016

The view from the caravan for our workaway, Jorge, just gets better and better! Imagine waking up to this? I think our apprentice Will hadn’t thought about where to leave a trailer of muck. We’ve all been doing long hours and working solidly without a break for so long it’s all we can do to think straight. During our farm inspection I literally couldn’t stifle a yawn.

Not the best time of year for most farms that make hay and harvest. I had deferred it once and didn’t dare a second time. It was every bit as horrible as I had imagined it would be.

It must be the school holidays as tents have popped up under the oak tree and Bud our collie disappeared on the promise of a ‘burnt on outside/raw inside’ sausage.

Ah well, we all did it once and survived.

Jorge our workaway has been fabulous and has helped us on the farm as well as renovating my little caravan. He is training to be an architect and is definitely not into ‘bodge it yourself’. Each side is completely coming off being fixed and repaired. I feel so happy that at last this is being finished….well started anyway. Is it illegal to hide his return ticket? We have been incredibly lucky with our workaways, firstly Peppe and now Jorge. It’s like having another son (who isn’t rude to me). I miss Peppe so much and know I will miss Jorge when he moves on.

Will seems to have taken it upon himself to ensure Jorge has the benefit of all the English language including words that would not appear in the Standard English dictionary. This is possible with the use of google translate on the mobiles and seems to keep them amused for ages (I am getting old!!).

We have lots and lots and lots of very good quality hay and haylage for sale. We even have pink ones this year. It is in support of breast cancer research…..and it makes the yard look jolly!

The plentiful supply of slugs/worm around our compost converter seems to attract hedgehogs. This one was in the conservatory so we got it out and gave it some water before sending it on its way. They are really cute even though covered in fleas.

At time of writing this I should be doing farm jobs but we have got to the end of hay/harvest and all feel utterly exhausted so decided a combination of office work and watching the Olympics were in order.

We have two of our livery ladies moving onto pastures new. We wish Beth and Emma the best of luck. Keep in touch.

We are looking forward to Jen joining us soon.

All is well with the holiday cottage except for our ‘musical shower’. It sounds like an orchestra tuning up as loudly and as badly as possible. I have had the plumber look at it, tried running water through with shower head lowered, taken it all apart but all to no avail. Does anybody have any good ideas? I may change the shower head and see if that helps, then there is always my good friend Google and YouTube. Anybody over 50 will remember the reference library; anybody under 50 will laugh in disbelief at the very idea of walking into town to gather facts, figures or information. Not that the reference library would have the answer to a musical shower, in fact there were no showers, plus baths were once a week, usually on a Sunday night. Those were the (smelly) days.

Longhope Diary July 2016

24/7/2016

Where did June go? It came and went so quickly, when not being deluged with rain and doing impressions of King Canute we have been making hay, or trying to make hay. The four clear days that we needed did not happen during June; we became increasingly fed up. Mike’s tea was permanently in the ‘Mr Grumpy’ mug….not enhanced by having a letter about a retirement home (tempting). Well, the rest of us guffawed heartily.

On a happier note we have had Giuseppe from Italy join us. I had a panic attack when I thought the young chap sitting on the pavement ‘stoned’ by the London Mega bus could have been him…obviously wasn’t!

Giuseppe has fitted in really well with the family and none of us want him to leave, especially Bud who waits for him to come to the house each day, then follows him around like a shadow. I keep telling Pepe that this is not a normal English Summer but I am not sure he believes me….or I believe it myself come to that. (Soaked then cooked).

We are now on annual testing for TB which is such a huge relief. Even though the test went smoothly the tension on results day is palpable. As always Bud loves TB testing (rounding up cattle)…the only bugger who does. The next horrible job is pulling of the wild oats, tedious is not the word! One year a younger (nameless) member of the team edged towards the stile then when no one was looking made a dash for freedom. I’m not sure I blame him. We usually spread out across the field, not only is this the most effective way but we are far enough apart not to hear the moaning. Think ‘long car journey’ and swap “are we there yet?” with “are we finished yet?”

We have gone from having too small a team to cope with everything (Mike & I) to a large team as the exams finish. It’s fantastic; the garden has never looked so good, we’ll be polishing the cows at this rate. Suddenly it’s ‘man management ‘that needs to be applied instead of the ‘firefighting’ technique of dashing from urgent job to job. There is NEVER a time on a farm when you can sit back and say “finished”, there is always work to be done.

The rain was so bad one day the metal cone filter on the pond was choked up and inverted with the pressure of water. Mike drove down with his home-made lance to hook it off (bit like a medieval knight but in a loadall instead of horse). I had to go out on the raft and attach string to the inverted hook so it could be pulled off, the lance bent and the force of water going down the hole was incredible. I was terrified he’d pull the cone off before I was off the pond and I would be sucked down the giant pipe. Being practical I reminded him I am the only person here who can programme the automatic calf feeder in the hope it would keep him focused. If we’d had a hydro turbine we could have powered the whole of Longhope. I may investigate; after all it’s a constant source of running water.

We are hoping to do a lot of tree planting soon; there are awkward corners in some fields that would benefit. I am quite alarmed at the number of dead or dying oak trees around.

Everybody is doing really well with various events/competitions on the equine side. It’s great to see them all on Facebook. At the moment we have a waiting list and yet a free stable, I am having a problem getting horses paired up. We had a ‘mismatch’ which threw my field plan. Ah well….something will happen to sort it. As soon as Richard comes to fence we can make some more individual turnout paddocks.

Lots of calves born plus two lots of twins, two beautiful little foals at Armstrong Equine and lots of wildlife spotted everywhere including some deer in the barley field! They appear to be doing no damage so we leave them in peace.

Welcome to the Wicks family who are our new neighbours. We all hope you will be very happy in Longhope; it’s a great place to live.

I am beginning to wonder if we will EVER get the barn renovated. It’s such a beautiful building.

Longhope Diary May 2016

9/5/2016

What a sodding month! I am normally a fully paid up member of the polite society but last weekend we had a phone call from our neighbour at 8.30am to say our cattle had escaped through the hedge and onto his land. This was bad news indeed. We quickly grabbed all equipment required (dog, stick, Beth our weekend helper and feed for bribe…for cattle, not Beth) and headed down the drive.

We managed to manoeuvre cattle to gateway and hold them there but just as we tentatively drove them onto the village road to trot the 50 ft. back to the farm drive (past the church and a beautiful cottage garden…please God don’t let them go in there!) the church bells started to peel. Until now I have never noticed that the decibel level of church bells would compete with a Motorhead concert! All cattle high tailed it back into (neighbour’s) field. We waited….and waited and waited ‘bong, bong, bong’ until the church bells stopped. After 5 minutes we encouraged the reluctant beasties on the village road then, campanologists revived from their break started again ‘BONG, BONG, bloody BONG’. All cattle high tailed it back to (neighbour’s) field for a second time.

Eventually after what seemed like an eternity we got the cattle out onto road, and took them carefully past the cars belonging to the good souls of the village. One chap with a shiny white car decided he could squeeze past, so we had to frantically wave a load of bloody great beef animals away from his vehicle. Bud the sheep dog & I were ‘bringing up the rear’ and as we went passed ‘Mr Grumpy’ he said “Your cattle better not have damaged my car” to which I replied “OH SHUT UP!” (Fairly restrained considering the situation).

This was not my finest hour and probably did nothing for diplomatic relations. His car was fine; cattle were fine, only minimal damage to our holiday cottage lawn and my nervous disposition. The guests thought this was the funniest thing they’d seen in ages/highlight of holiday. Note to all …please just allow us to get past with cattle and be patient.

What humbled me was just how understanding and helpful others were. Passing walkers assisted (they confusingly had a black Labrador also called Bud who couldn’t understand why I was demanding ‘down and hold’) and several others who were brilliant including neighbours and our livery ladies. Victoria was strolling down the drive when two dozen beef animals came charging towards her like a scene from the Wild West. She sensibly opened the nearest gate, mainly for self-preservation which happened to be the correct one!

Next problem: We had a calf born in the wrong place to the wrong animal at the wrong time. How, why? Both mother and baby doing fine now (Mike & I confused and bewildered which is fairly normal). The ‘daddy’ was only in there for a short while. I unhelpfully pointed out to the teenage children “take note: see how easily this can happen” Quick revision of the ‘facts of life’ farmer style. My helpful advice was greeted with grunts, groans and a rolling of eyes.

The weather has been challenging, no idea what to do with horses/rugs. One poor injured horse that needed to be out (but not get his bandages wet) became dizzy. In one day I would swear we had every weather condition on offer….rain, sun, wind, hail, snow.

Next problem: Armstrong Equine’s generator wouldn’t start and the vet was on his way to take some very important scans. If you know how much vets are per hour you will realise why the panic. Luckily I diagnosed (with help) it was the ‘low oil level cut out’….generator not horse, I am not an amateur vet. We had purchased the generator locally last year and if ever there was an example of why you should buy local that was it. They talked me through diagnosis, promised somebody out within the hour and a loan generator if not fixable. That’s what I call service.

So…after all the doom and gloom there is a highlight. My holiday cottage has a ‘customer’s choice’ certificate as we consistently scored over 9.5 on our reviews. I couldn’t be outdone with Mike and his spraying certificate. Go oldies!

Nye’s supposed to be doing a radio interview with a bit of live music some time over the next month. I dare not ask when/where in case I am once again accused of stalking him. Other parents ‘show an interest’ in their offspring’s achievements….me….I stalk apparently!

The girls in the yard had lovely ‘Longhope Livery’ hoodies printed. I was given one as a present which I am so pleased with. Thanks Abi! Poppy once made the observation that Mike’s wardrobe was somewhat limited in style (lots of checked farmer shirts and green trousers). She said he was like a cartoon character, always wearing the same. Ah well….no dilemma of “what shall I wear today?”

Almost all the cattle are now out, which is great. Minimal bedding up of yards. One of the nicest sights of the farming year is turnout. They frolic about with sheer joy, let’s face it not a lot of ‘frolicking’ goes on around here these days. The bluebells are out in the wood and because of the cold snap they are lasting really well.

I don’t have many gaps in the holiday cottage bookings. However, if you see one just a week or so ahead and want to be spontaneous, make me an offer and get a fantastic bargain (see cottage page/booking calendar) This only applies to last minute bookings but I would rather have someone enjoying a break. Surely that is one of the joys of retirement; you are flexible (maybe not so much physically but time wise). A group of six or seven friends could club together and have a great time for a bargain price.

We have just purchased some pedigree south Devon cows with calves at foot. It’s so exiting, cannot wait for them to arrive. They are a beautiful, quiet, easy calving cow which should suit us really well. This picture is of South Devon cattle, not mine but pinched from internet. My phone ran out of charge from over use of sat nav on way to view. On the way back from the viewing we stopped at a little stand at the side of the road and purchased some lovely homemade jam and lemon curd. The lady came out to say hello and told us that her stand had been robbed in the morning and £50 worth of jam taken. Words fail me.

This is Grampa Otto in Canada in front of the house he built. They moved to Preecemore Farm just after the war. Think I may do a little detective work to find out more.

Longhope Diary April 2016

6/4/2016

For once I am ahead of the game in following Government policy. I forgot the sugar in the raspberry and white chocolate muffins for the holiday cottage guests. They were either too polite (being English) to say or didn’t notice. Mike treats sugar as if it is poisonous so didn’t comment when eating one of what we refer to as ‘the ugly ones’ that are not aesthetically pleasing, bit like wonky veg in supermarket. I once offered Mike a chocolate before 6.00 pm….you’d think from his reaction I had offered crack cocaine (while watching Antiques roadshow).

We have babies, so cute, one popping out after the other, so we then had a blitz on tagging before we got in a muddle. You wouldn’t think it, but you grab a calf to identify the mum and five come charging over at the slightest baby moo noise. This is why we work together on tagging in case ‘mum’ decides we are harming her baby. Both our eldest sons have been knocked flying by a maternal cow. I just cannot wait to turn the stock out to grass, I am sick to death of bedding up cattle yards. One night I did the usual and fell asleep on the settee only to wake to a deserted house, Mike had gone to check the cows (late) and found one calving. Despite our best efforts we lost the calf which was premature. Nothing we could have done would have made a difference. I had the ‘Mr Grumpy’ mug all the next day but luckily my grump lifted.

We have had Will Smith helping us over Easter and what a fantastic help he has been. The pattern usually with youth is:-

Small children: Want to help like their life depends on it, but mostly (though I wouldn’t say anything to them) get in the way and take a huge amount of supervision as totally fearless and oblivious to danger.
Teenage stage: They know everything, break stuff, strong as an ox but got a bit of an ‘attitude’*. In fact we have named a method of kicking straw around a pen as ‘the teenage method’. It has to be accompanied by moaning about the unfairness of life. Just realised that could apply to your average farmer!
Late teens/early 20’s: (later for slow developers who will remain nameless). ACTUALLY useful, willing and able to get up in the morning but are savvy enough to want payment in exchange for work. The cheek of it!

Go away to the ‘bright city lights’ declaring those left behind as a bunch of wurzels and boarder line ‘simpletons’. Come back several years later realising we live is a beautiful place with a great lifestyle and being a wurzel is cool (penniless and smelly but cool).
NB: *this attitude applies to ‘home reared’ helpers, not bought in.

I often think it must be hard for Mike who has seen so many of these ‘helpers’ move on to become captains of industry with their own businesses/careers. Proper grown-ups, every one of them fantastic…..some still paying for the psychiatry bills after being put inside a silage bag to look for holes (Mike thought he could save money by using them twice in the 1980’s).

This I hasten to add was ‘pre-me’ who keeps an eye on things. I love it when they come back to see us and Mike conveniently has an amnesia attack when they remind him of the list of ‘horror/character building jobs’ given to youngest member of team.

Our helper booked up for 2030

We have had a spate of injured horses in the yard which we hope will make full recoveries soon. This sort of stuff is not uncommon; a slight twist in wrong direction on wet ground can be serious. It’s so tempting to put stock out too early and damage themselves and the paddocks. We are keeping cows/cattle in until it is properly dry. Paddock management is a real art which in fairness most have grasped really well. In part this may be down to the annual ‘Paddock management competition’ which means the winner has £50 off the livery invoice.

Right now I should be doing invoicing and the dreaded accounts but as Mike has ‘escaped’ back onto the farm under pretext of some emergency (yeah right?) and I decided I would rather be writing. Keeping Mike in the office is like hanging onto a lit firework.

The holiday cottage is booking up fast for the next few months. I have a three day gap at end of April if anybody is interested? I took a booking for five men who were going to Cheltenham races. As soon as I had done it I had doubts. Well I have to say, they left the cottage immaculate, everything in place, clean, tidy and a little gift to say thank you. But despite being policemen they didn’t find the chocolate orange. One of my helpers said “wow….are they all married? I want one like that”.

Nye’s album came out and (he will hate me for saying this) I am very proud of him. Nye James Music: Careworn: The Hill.

Spring has sprung; at least Archie seems to think so.

I love these lighter evenings. Everything seems to become easier in the Spring/Summer. It's a pity that there was not enough snow to sledge. While the UK grinds to a halt in a thin layer of snow, we grease our toboggan runners and have fun.

It’s sad to lose yet another old tree. Far too many have blown over; some of our neighbour’s trees seem to have become diseased so we are keeping a careful eye for damage to our own.

Have started to ‘dip my toe’ into equine holidays. I put an advert out and had a lot of interest but not a firm booking. In part that was probably because the only days I have free are at the end of April so it’s very short notice if somebody has to take time off work. If anybody is interested in a holiday please do not hesitate to contact me.

Longhope Diary March 2016

12/3/2016

I must start to be a little more careful handling horses, I went to put a rug on and the wind caught it, horse tried to take off (but couldn’t as he was tied up) and I ended up with a black eye, which then went purple and finally yellow. Not a good look. Horse was fine however, which is the most important thing. I tried to cover the eye with make-up but ended up looking…..how can I politely put this? Like an old tart! Make up off….looked like a battered old tart. Anyway, it was a ‘wake-up call’ as we all get blasé with anything we do daily. Drew at Armstrong equine also had an accident but managed to still look beautiful.

Our calf rearing unit is going away from a quarantine unit to straight commercial. The red tape involved is ridiculous and after Animal Health UK read the first paragraph of the guidance notes it was decided the vet should come and take a look. You see ‘one size fits all’ just doesn’t work with farms. I felt like telling the official on the other end of the phone where he could stick his guidance notes! They have an ‘aggressive farmer list’ which I think I have managed to talk (argued) my way to inclusion.

We are looking forward to a musical evening with our Australian friend Noel, he is singing at the White Horse pub, Mitcheldean. Should be good, he hires a shipping container to practice in so the livery yard all have a preview of the gig. He has a ‘girlfriend’ in the yard called Cher whom he brings a steady supply of carrots for. (Real carrots, not the bling sort). That’s what I call a low maintenance girlfriend.

Mike passed the first part of his spraying exam. I am so proud of him. These things get harder as our formal education becomes a distant memory. He had worked so hard studying and was determined the examiner had the full benefit of his knowledge, in detail, everything, no stone unturned, no fact forgotten! I heard the chap saying “too much detail, simple answers are fine” as he looked for the quickest escape route. I shut myself in the office and kept out of it. The practical is next week; I fully expect the examiner to park the car in ‘Quick getaway position’ in the yard.

We had a lovely golden Labrador (with its owners) staying at the cottage. An ex guide dog for the blind. His owners left a bottle of wine (and half a packet for frozen peas) both well received. They also left the cottage immaculate. Thank you.

It’s great having James back. Mike is still convinced he will persuade him that farming is a better life than being a recruitment consultant and (despite James, me and James’ mum saying he doesn’t want to farm). Stranger things have happened so you never know ….meanwhile he will be looking for a ‘proper job’ after his African safari.

I love my diverse life. Every day is different.

A typical day for me is something like this:-

- Get up, do all the necessary to get children to busses on time (Sometimes a raised voice or a boot up the arse involved) and the day planned. Rayburn lit, washing on etc.

- Make a start on the (already late!) accounts.

- Go out and play with the horses for an hour or so (feed, turn out/muck out).

- Come back in and try to get on with accounts….until 5 minutes later everybody comes in for coffee. Mike thinks if you don’t sweat it’s not real work.

- Try to get back to (not real work) accounts but needed on farm. This conversation starts with “could you just”. Minutes becomes hours playing with moo moos or some such farm thing.

- Try to get back to accounts. Phone rings. Somebody comes to door (most likely on Friday to mop up excess cream tea over from holiday cottage bake).

- Try to get back to accounts. Look at the time….horses come back in.

- Try to lock myself in office but family get concerned (concerned that tea is not made and their access to computer blocked). Somehow get ‘talked’ out of office. Make low fat, low cholesterol, high fibre, tasty meal as per food tech (used to be called cookery) at school. Dam them and their healthy eating education, what’s wrong with frozen pizza?

- Sod the accounts….tomorrow is another day.

- Fall asleep on the settee and snore in most unattractive fashion.

Hang in there all you country people, soon spring will be here and the mud/cold will be a memory. Then all we have to worry about is the sun exposure causing premature aging.

Still only one person has found the chocolate orange in the holiday cottage. May have to replace and ‘dispose’ of old one.

I want to open my garden on the yellow book scheme but have no idea how to go about it. It’s a bit like my friend who entered me for a 10k race…..I simply had to train to avoid embracement. If I open the garden I HAVE to keep it up together.

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